Skip to main content

I Was Already Me

In this episode, I Was Already Me: Redefining What It Means to "Become Someone” . . . 

"You're never a hero in your own home." It's a phrase that often rings true, a quiet acknowledgment that the very people who know us best are also the ones most intimately familiar with our quirks, our unedited selves, and the messy bits we rarely show the world. But what happens when that familiarity leads to disconnection, when our deepest thoughts are dismissed as "too much," and even our best efforts feel unheard?

I've been talking with my friend Dr. Don Hanley, a former Catholic priest turned psychotherapist with a background in teaching and writing. Recently, he shared a vulnerability: some friends no longer want to meet because his conversations are too deep, and his family criticizes him for being too lost in thought or writing foolish blog posts.

It's a stark reminder, even for a seasoned psychotherapist, that the "hero" outside often struggles within their own walls. It echoes a universal truth: we are all, at our core, human beings doing the best we can with our life experiences.

The Unseen Battle of "Becoming Someone”

We recently had an exchange that perfectly captures this struggle. He asked me, "Didn't you ever want to 'become someone?'" Puzzled, I asked what he meant. He clarified, "I wanted to become a priest so I could become someone." My immediate response was, "I never thought about it. I already was someone. I was me."

This distinction is crucial. In our society, "becoming someone" is often confused with attaining a job, holding a title, or achieving a professional milestone. We chase external markers of success, believing they will define our worth or earn us the admiration we crave.

Reflecting on my career, I've realized a deeper truth: people seldom remember your work contributions. What stays with them is how you made them feel. If you make others feel appreciated and enjoy your company, you become someone memorable and meaningful to them. Otherwise, you're not.

The challenge, then, isn't about fitting into a mold or simplifying ourselves to be more likable. It's about accepting that our deepest thoughts and our authentic selves are too much for some. It's about recognizing that criticism, even from loved ones, often stems from their own perspective, not a definitive judgment of our worth.

Finding Flowers in Your Own Pile of Life

Don's memoir, "Finding Flowers in a Little Pile of Sh*t," is available on Amazon. It offers a raw, honest account of a young man's quest for acceptance amid life's disappointments, failures, and successes. One reviewer said it takes readers on "a voyage of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth where we discover Don's experiences—and how to live life as real participants."

His story, and the real-life struggles he faces even today, illustrate that our heroism isn't found in being universally understood or celebrated, but in the quiet courage of continuing to be ourselves, to learn, to grow, and to try to connect, even when it feels like we're speaking a different language.

It's about acknowledging our own "piles of sh*t"—our perceived failures, our miscommunications, our unread blog posts—and still finding the flowers of wisdom, connection, and self-acceptance within them.

Dr. Don and I will continue to explore these deeper ideas, perhaps in these blog posts, because they are essential for understanding ourselves and navigating our lives. While not everyone seeks out such conversations, we know some do.

Are you navigating your own "too deep" moments, seeking to connect authentically, and embracing the everyday heroism of simply being you? We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Perhaps in sharing our experiences, we can all find more "flowers" in our lives.

I’m Patrick Ball. Stay curious, ask questions. See you next time.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular of All Time

Truth for Sale

This episode is inspired  by Elton John & Bernie Taupin On Memorial Day, I took my first bike ride  since the accident , seeking proof that my legs, lungs, and nerves still remembered the road. The morning air carried that familiar Southern California mix of ocean haze, exhaust, eucalyptus, and sun-baked asphalt. My tires hummed across pavement I’ve ridden for years. Somewhere between the steady click of the chain and the rhythm of my breathing, Elton John and Bernie Taupin’s The Captain and the Kid found its way into my ears. There’s a strange kind of magic when the cadence of a ride syncs perfectly with a song you know by heart. Suddenly, the music and lyrics stop being background noise and become a lens. And through that lens, the road started talking. I've been cycling on this road some, Can't help feeling I've been showing my friends around. I've seen it grow from next to nothing, To a giant eatin’ up our town. Called up the tealeaves and the tarots, Asked the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Epictetus, Ego, and Acronyms

In this episode, Destroy Communication, One Three-Letter Acronym at a Time This week, I want to explore a deeply relatable, universally feared workplace character: the "know-it-all." Now, I’m not pointing fingers here. If we are being completely honest, we have all played this role. We've all uttered some version of, "Yes, absolutely, that aligns with our strategic objectives," while our internal monologue is screaming, "I don't even know what the objective is, let alone the strategy." What got me thinking about this was a chapter in Ryan Holiday's book, Wisdom Takes Work . Holiday leans on a powerful piece of Stoic truth from the ancient philosopher Epictetus: "It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows." It's a brilliant quote that strikes right at the heart of the human ego. You can't learn what you already know, and you certainly can't learn what you pretend to know to save face. Though to be ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Breaking the Script

In this episode, The Art of the Short-Circuit. We spend a surprising amount of our lives on conversational autopilot. You see it everywhere. At the hardware store. At the post office. In office hallways, where two people can exchange greetings, discuss the weather, and continue on their way without either one actually hearing what the other said. "How are you?” "Good. You?” “Busy." “Yep." It's less of a conversation and more of a system check. Most of us aren't being rude. We're just moving fast. We have emails to answer, meetings to attend, errands to run, and a hundred other things competing for our attention. Before long, our interactions become little more than verbal lane markers helping us navigate the day. I like to break the script. When I run into someone, instead of the usual greetings, I'll ask: "What's the good word?” The reaction is almost always worth it. You can practically see the gears stop turning. People pause. They blink....
Post a Comment
Read more

The Eighth Wonder of the Suburban World

Mark your calendars, folks. Update the history books. Notify the Smithsonian. Move over, Pyramids of Egypt. Step aside, Hoover Dam.  Future civilizations will speak of this day in hushed, reverent tones. May 22, 2026, will forever be remembered as the moment humanity reached the pinnacle of suburban engineering excellence. Earlier today, my neighbor Steve and I drove the final screw into what can only be described as the most overbuilt property divider in North County. The Fence! And then there’s the gate. Good grief, the gate. Calling it just a gate is almost disrespectful. It looks like the entrance to a medieval fortress or to Hogwarts Castle. It swings open with the heft of a bank vault and closes with the wave of a magic wand. At this point, we’re considering applying for FAA clearance to install a helicopter pad on top of it. This glorious odyssey began in early February, the primitive era. From the start, we made a sacred pact: we would not become one of those people. You ...
Post a Comment
Read more