On The Fly

In this episode, Why the 'Stupid' Choice Was the Only One That Mattered. It was the summer of 1982. I was on my knees in the humid Illinois heat, waxing the fender of a restored 1932 Plymouth Coupe. To the passerby on the Macomb Square, I looked like a failure. Here was a guy who had studied physics, computer programming, and calculus, now sweating through his shirt as a "gopher" for Bob Melton. And Bob? Bob was an event. Picture a man who dressed like one of Red Skelton’s characters—not the monologue version, but the sketch comedy version. We’re talking a sport coat, clashing slacks, a tie wide enough to land a plane on, and white shoes. His wife was the fashion queen of Macomb; Bob was, shall we say, not the fashion king. He was the wealthiest man in town, a lawyer, and a "lovable character" with a well-known thirst. At Christmas, while other shops played "Silent Night," Bob blasted Louis Armstrong’s raspy jazz trumpet through the toy store spea...

  Twas’ a month before Christmas, with bargains galore. Customers were scurrying, expecting to score, Load-n-Go’s, combo kits, and holiday yard decor. Santa was visiting, with kiddies, at that. Little did they know, the most fun they would have, was to visit Tool Rental, to Pressure Wash their Cat ® . We start the morning, with contractors my friend, Vince pounding the computer, it has no end. The register, it’s finicky, let's not pretend. Call I.T. help? “No, call Jim instead.” The alarm goes off, oh - what a racket, a contractor barks out, “I need that bracket.” A line starts to form, patience is nill’. “I want a jackhammer, that suits the bill.” “Rent me a Hilti. Serve me first, I'll do more than blabber. Your VOC score will fall off the ladder.” Bob slips in, and checks repairs. Get them done early, and no annoying errors. With Amber and Jeff all dressed in red, Joe customer enters with a cap on his head. “I have a repair,” th...